What It’s Like To Love An Emotionally Unavailable Man


What It’s Like To Love An Emotionally Unavailable Man

“Never count on a man,” her father had told her. “They will always let you down.” So she didn’t, and they still did.

Pretty powerful headline, huh?

This Modern Love essay in the New York Times sounds like it was directly downloaded from the memories of any of my Love U coaching clients.

Let me know if this dynamic rings a bell to you:

I thought of him as my lover, although he never said he loved me. When I was feeling concerned, I would ask him what we were doing, what he wanted, where this was going. He was uncomfortable with such questions, but if I was direct, he would answer.

No, he wasn’t seeing anyone else. No, he wasn’t having sex with anyone else. No, he didn’t want to.

But he didn’t introduce me to anyone in his life. Even when I asked him to. And he didn’t tell his family about me, although I knew all about them.”

It’s the smart, strong, successful woman’s comfort zone

Yep. This is what happens when you choose a guy because you “like” him as opposed to choosing a guy because of how he treats you when you’re not together. It’s the smart, strong, successful woman’s comfort zone – little investment, little vulnerability, little chance of such a relationship developing into something real and long-lasting.

“I was enjoying my career, good health, long trail runs with my Australian shepherd, a vibrant social life and the quiet time it took to read a book a week. I appreciated that he wasn’t needy, that he didn’t call just to check in. He didn’t send “good morning beautiful” texts when he needed attention or wish me sweet dreams in Bitmojis to see if I was home.

When we texted each other, it was to exchange information about when and where we would meet. When I asked him how he was doing, he answered in one or two words. When we were together, he often told me how much he appreciated my low expectations.”

If you have a relationship like this, why are you still in it? If you’ve had a relationship like this, why’d you stay? Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

Happy ClientsHappy Clients

  • Connie D.

    “Give the guy a chance to prove he might have what you need for a satisfying relationship.”

    I am a firm believer in dating at least 4 seasons and we are already in our 3rd season of love. We have discussed marriage and will revisit the idea this October.

    Connie D.
  • Mary L.

    “You truly changed my life, my outlook…and I am grateful!!”

    John texts me crazy wonderful love texts to start and end every day.   The roses are never from the grocery store…the Christmas presents were thoughtful and perfect.   And I am wrapped in his wonderful love.

    Mary L.
  • Janis P.

    “I have met a man I can only describe as practically perfect.”

    Evan’s info gave me the understanding that if a guy is interested in you, he will want to be with you, he will call when he says he will call, he will make sure he arranges time to spend with you.  

    Janis P.

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