My beautiful boyfriend of 1 12 months, who showers me with like, normally takes boudoir photos on the side as a photographer. I would not assume it that substantially of a problem (I’ve been studying your other posts on why males seem at gals), but what will get me listed here is that he has a pantyhose fetish. (Generally, he looks obsessed with them). I cannot assistance but assume this is just a tiny overstepping into inappropriate-land. I do rely on him. Also nevertheless, I can’t aid but visualize him getting pretty turned on by these photoshoots. I never want to be controlling. He’s been nothing but a fantastic boyfriend.
But, is his indulgence in these varieties of photoshoots nutritious for us? Do I have something to fret about if he has demonstrated almost nothing but devotion to me?
Thank you, sincerely,
Many thanks for your electronic mail, Claire. You referenced this post, “Why Men Glance at Other Women,” and I believed it would be applicable supplementary looking through.
What is tough about your concern is that it’s pretty certain and doesn’t apply to any two folks besides you and your boyfriend. That’s why it’s tricky to extrapolate and explain to you, with any total of certainty, irrespective of whether you have anything to fear about.
But I will tell you a not-so-mystery top secret about how I give advice.
When a reader (or a customer) asks me about a issue she has with her boyfriend, I put myself in her boyfriend’s shoes and talk to myself how I would experience if I were him.
It’s not that her inner thoughts are irrelevant – significantly from it! It is that she currently appreciates how she feels. What she generally lacks is the creativity to take into consideration how another person else could look at the same specific predicament. Every time I do this physical exercise – given that I’m pretending to be me – I give the guy the gain of the doubt as an genuine, ethical individual – except I’ve been supplied factors to doubt his character.
Your condition is exceptional, but it is no diverse.
It’s full trust or no have faith in.
If your boyfriend is a honest dude, then you have to act under the assumption that, despite the erotic nature of his side-hustle, he’s becoming devoted to you.
If he’s not trustworthy (or you really do not feel him to be reliable), then he must no for a longer period be your boyfriend.
If he’s not dependable (or you really don’t consider him to be dependable), then he should no for a longer time be your boyfriend.
Where ever you attract the line IS the line.
Is the stocking fetish unusual? For a vanilla dude like me, yeah. In the pantheon of all fetishes, it seems like a fairly tame 1 that can be incorporated into your appreciate existence somewhat effortlessly.
Is he receiving turned on by the photoshoots? I hope so. He’s a human currently being with a sex push selected a interest that he presumably finds pleasurable. But there’s a Substantial difference between being turned on by a stranger and performing on it.
I uncover many strangers attractive. I have never ever acted on it since I price my wife and my term far much more than I value a fling that would ruin my existence. Most gentlemen in associations, I would suspect, feel in the same way.
The important for women of all ages, I believe, is to not participate in imagined police. It is not a criminal offense for a person to be turned on by other women of all ages, captivated to other females, or often fantasizing (or masturbating) about other women of all ages. If that is what you assume from men, you are probable to be sorely upset.
But if you can see the sizable gap amongst thought and motion, I believe you can have a healthy partnership with a wonderful, devoted boudoir photographer.